Monthly Archives: December 2014

Still breathing

I feel like my last post needs some kind of follow-up.  I have a back-log of “regular” posts (at least in my head), but jumping right into, “and here was my experience making soy milk,” doesn’t quite seem right.  So, here we go . . . .

Colorblind
Claiming that one “doesn’t see color” is a cop-out.  First, unless you actually have some type of visual impairment, it’s total B.S.  Claiming that I walk down the street and don’t notice the color of a person’s skin would be like claiming that I don’t notice whether that person is male or female.  Our brains automatically take in and process this information.  Noticing skin color is not good or bad.  It just is.  It’s what we do with this information that is important.

Second, claiming to be color/race blind actually undermines progress in addressing racial disparities.  This article in Psychology Today breaks it down well:

Colorblindness creates a society that denies [minorities’] negative racial experiences, rejects their cultural heritage, and invalidates their unique perspectives . . . . And if you can’t talk about it, you can’t understand it, much less fix the racial problems that plague our society.

Claiming to be “colorblind” insulates us from wrestling with difficult topics like white privilege; disparate police practices, like racial profiling and unequal use of force; and a broken justice system.

White Privilege
Back in September, I requested a copy of Shelly Tochluk’s Witnessing Whiteness.  I was not able to be part of the YWCA-led group that was reading the book.  I started reading the book, but I just couldn’t get through it.  Not because I disagreed with Tochluk or struggled with the concepts, but more due to the writing style.  I think having a group would have helped a lot, in large part because the book just felt so academic.  I wasn’t expecting a “fun” book, but I just couldn’t get into it.  I’m wondering if Tim Wise’s White Like Me, would be a better starting point.

That said, I think one of the better analogies for thinking about white privilege is running a marathon (would like to give credit, but don’t remember where I heard this).  We’re all running the same marathon, but white privilege means that you get to start the race at mile 10, while someone else, just because his/her skin is a different color, starts at mile 0.  And then maybe your course looks a little different as a white person: fewer hills, or at mile 20, you get a “skip to mile 22” card.  Or maybe you’re white and born into poverty, so you don’t quite start at mile 10, but perhaps you start at mile 5 and experience some of the other benefits along the course.

Police practices
Objecting and speaking out against minority deaths at the hands of police officers doesn’t make one “anti-law enforcement.”  The reality is, we have serious problems.  This is not one “bad” officer, in one city.  This is a systemic problem throughout the United States.  The expectation that law enforcement exist to “serve and protect” should not depend on the color of one’s skin, but it does — here are the names and faces.  And it’s enough of an issue that it’s caught the attention of the United Nations.  We have a problem.

In our current “justice” system, police officers are often treated as if they are above the law.  There is little incentive for trying to diffuse situations rather than immediately resorting to force.  If you follow one link here, please read this article, written by a former St. Louis police officer.  It speaks volumes about the issues we face.

If you want to take action, sign this petition to reform how we investigate police misconduct, so police officers are held accountable for their actions.  There are legitimate alternatives to using lethal force (including avoiding escalating things to the point where it’s even considered), but it is becoming clear that without real disincentives to using lethal force, police have little reason to discontinue business as usual.

It would be nice to live in a cozy little world where “police aren’t the bad guys.”  Have I benefited or received help from police officers?  Absolutely!  But your experiences, and the degree to which you agree or disagree with the statement that “police are the good guys,” probably depends in large extent on the color of your skin.  That’s white privilege.  That’s racial injustice.  And it needs to change.

 

I can’t breathe

As I read the news from New York City yesterday, about a grand jury’s decision not to indict the police officer who choked Eric Garner to death, after the coroner ruled Garner’s death a homicide, my chest was tight.  I recognized my body’s reaction and reminded myself to breathe.  Because I could.  Because no one’s hands were around my neck, cutting off the oxygen that these human bodies require to live.  And with that thought in mind, it was pretty hard to get rid of the tightness in my chest, the rock in my stomach.  As well it should have been.

I don’t know where to start, so I’ll share some words from my friend Dan:

‘To all you people who think of Mike Brown and say, “just don’t assault a police officer and you won’t die,” I give you Eric Garner.

To all you people who think of Eric Garner and say, “just do what the officer tells you and you won’t die,” I give you John Crawford.

To all you people who think of John Crawford and say, “he should not have picked up that gun that was for sale at Wal-Mart and he would not have died…”

To all you people who think of [12-year-old] Tamir Rice and say, “he should not have played with a toy gun…”

I am tired of you waiting for the “perfect” case to understand that this is real. The people that you see protesting are not making this shit up. It is racism. It is real. We have a problem.’

SilenceComplicity
Photo credit: D. Stout

On Saturday, I participated in a small demonstration at a busy intersection in South St. Louis City.  This peaceful action, organized by a local Unitarian church’s “Standing on the Side of Love” group, took place in the same ZIP code where I live: the whitest, wealthiest ZIP code within city limits.  At midday on the Saturday following Thanksgiving, this intersection, near a Target, Schnucks, and other retail locations, was hopping.

Within minutes of gathering, a woman stopped at a red light told us that we needed to “go back to Ferguson.”  She continued to try to engage those in our group, blocking traffic in the right travel lane through at least two light cycles.  How dare we bring this issue to her nice, quiet, monochromatic neighborhood?!?  How dare we stand there quietly on the sidewalk making her feel uncomfortable?

Not long after that, the police swarm began.  My friends who were walking to join us saw ten police SUVs speeding down the street with their lights on.  Before long, our group of 30 or so demonstrators had attracted an equal number of police vehicles, each vehicle carrying multiple officers, for a likely ratio of 3 [fully armed, riot-gear equipped, zip-tie handcuffs at the ready] police officer to every 1 demonstrator.  Oh, and some National Guard thrown in the mix, just for fun.

Two officers came over to talk to one of the organizers.  I don’t know exactly what was said, but I guess they decided to “let” us stay (on the public sidewalk, where we were breaking no laws), though they had no intention to de-escalate the police presence.

It was an interesting ninety minutes.  We received a number of friendly honks (as a bicyclist, you get good at discerning these) and waves, but there were certainly nasty looks and comments (shouted from the safety of cars) as well.  These, to me, showed that the organizers had picked a good location for this action.

We had a single incident of a very riled-up man (red sweatshirt guy) jumping out of his car to confront us.  The following minutes were tense.  Most of the group wisely chose to not engage, leaving the discussion to a well-prepared organizer.  Red sweatshirt guy finally calmed down, and before he left, I overheard a fellow demonstrator sharing his story, his experiences, of being a middle-aged black man, harassed by the police (on multiple occasions) for no reason.  Red sweatshirt guy actually seemed to be listening.  I have hope that, just maybe, a tiny seed was planted.  Face-to-face encounters, where we actually listen are SO important.

As planned, the demonstration ended after ninety minutes.  As Matthew and I walked back to the library, where we’d left our bikes locked up, I couldn’t help feeling a bit like one of the disciples, waiting for someone to say, “Were you with [them]?  I think I saw you with [them].”

I’d naively assumed that most of the police that responded had quietly slunk away, but no, they were just one parking lot over.  We had to walk right by them.

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This photo probably shows about half of the police vehicles that responded.  The rest were staged across the street in another parking lot, with the National Guard.

At the time, I had not yet read about police response to demonstrations after the no indictment decision, including injudicious use of tear gas (a chemical weapon).  Amnesty International has sited some specific concerns about police use of force against protestors here, based on reports from their trained, on-the-ground observers.

These first-hand accounts are also important:

____________

At best, the system is broken.  At worst, it’s working as designed.  Militarized police acting on decades of inherent racism, wielding weapons against unarmed people with impunity. My chest is tight.  But I can still breathe.  Unlike Mike Brown, unlike Eric Garner, unlike Tamir Rice, I can still breathe.  And so I will continue listening to stories that are hard to hear, will continue to feel uncomfortable with the privilege my skin color confers, will continue to feel sick at the injustices that just. keep. coming.

Mindfulness: Changing my brain

Last week, I was excited to see a link to a study which found that mindfulness practice (specifically the 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Program) actually changes the brain.  Turns out that the study is old news (from 2011), but it was the first I had read about these specific findings, which used before and after MRIs to look for changes in specific regions of the brain.

The analysis of MR images, which focused on areas where meditation-associated differences were seen in earlier studies, found increased grey-matter density in the hippocampus, known to be important for learning and memory, and in structures associated with self-awareness, compassion and introspection. Participant-reported reductions in stress also were correlated with decreased grey-matter density in the amygdala, which is known to play an important role in anxiety and stress.

The use of imaging just adds to the already large body of evidence that supports mindfulness practice for both mental and physical health.

My Practice
I can’t believe it’s been over a month since my last mindfulness class!  At that class, the instructor invited us to set short- and long-term goals related to our practice.  My short term goal was to make/find a journal to record my ongoing practice, since I suspected the accountability of recording my practice would be important.  I went with functional over fancy: a two-pocket folder with prongs and some lined notebook paper.

With my short-term goal accomplished, it was time to tackle my long-term goal:

For the next three months, I will engage in formal mindfulness practice for at least 25 minutes per day, 5 days per week.

I finished the class having logged six weeks of regular mindfulness practice.  It was important for me to set a goal that would keep that momentum going and increase the chances that this would be a lifestyle change and not simply a phase.

Five weeks into that three month goal-period, I am happy to report that I’ve been sticking sticking with it, which included maintaining the practice over the holiday weekend (so important!).   I am averaging 25-30 minutes per day, six days per week (I almost used six days per week as my goal, but in the interest of making sure the goal was realistic and achievable, and increasing my chances at feeling successful, I stuck with five days).

I rotate between simple seated meditations (just focusing on the breath), with or without guidance; the body scan; and mindful [guided] yoga.  I’ve also branched out a bit, incorporating some of Tara Brach’s guided meditations in some of my sitting practices.

Even on the days when making time to practice is a challenge, it is always worth it.  Some days, I feel fairly calm and centered throughout the practice.  Other days, those 25-minutes feel like a constant effort of bringing my mind “to heel.”  Such is mindfulness practice.

While not one of my official, written goals, I would very much like to build on my half-day mindfulness retreat experience (and my practice, overall) by participating in a longer retreat.  To that end, I am investigating nearby weekend-long mindfulness retreat options.

While a bit belated, I would like to give thanks [again] for discovering mindfulness, for my mom’s gentle encouragement, for Matthew’s support, and for the resources (money, time, transportation) to participate in Masterpeace Studios’ Mind-Body Stress Reduction Program.